I don’t understand why I let one person bring me down so much and make me feel like shit. In a way I blame myself because I knew what I was getting myself into. I know I didn’t do anything wrong but I feel like I’ve done everything wrong. To give something valuable to a boy who doesn’t care for you was a stupid decision I wish I can take back. And for some reason I blame myself. I blame myself for all his lies. For believing them. For ignoring everyone when they told me to run as fast as you can. I guess I was just so caught up into the attention. During the moment it feels like the right thing, when it the back of my head I’m telling myself to run. That this is something I’m going to wish I didn’t get myself into. I’m so hung up on what he thinks about me and what he’s doing at the moment, when really I shouldn’t give a shit like he doesn’t towards me. Every night since the beginning of all this it’s consisted of overthinking or crying myself to sleep, and yet I still keep myself connected with him. I try to tell myself that you never learn if you don’t make mistakes. But how long can a mistake last?
I hate that feeling when you have so much emotion running through you. And not just one emotion, but tons. When you don’t know if you want to cry it all out or just scream at the top of your lungs. When you try to talk about it and you feel like there is nothing you can say to express the way you feel. When you feel like no one understands what you’re going through, and you don’t want to listen or believe what they say because it’s not what you want to hear. When you are always surrounded by people but yet you still feel alone. And the one who means the most to you, is the one who isn’t there for you.